"The strength of a woman can be found within her soul"

Way back when, or so it seems, a dear friend and I would give our goodbyes by saying, "Have fun." After realizing just how much we were saying it it morphed into another phrase, "Stay strong."Now saying it for over four years, I have a little something to say about it...

It's so hard to simply "stay strong"!!!

Some say if you aren't going forward, you're going nowhere. I agree with that and staying strong means nothing without getting strong and being strong continually. Once upon a time I did think I was strong. Boy was I wrong!!! I will admit maybe I wasn't "wrong" but staying strong in high school terms is not strong enough for todays terms. Life goes on and trials get harder. Strength grows weak if not nurtured and sought after.

And isn't life much easier when you aren't doing things alone? I wouldn't say I'm "lonely" in fact I've picked up the overwhelming thought that things are better when you can do them yourself. Like having an OCD over everything. Truth is that life is better when you have someone to be strong with. For a lot of reasons, I haven't sought after a social life here in Davenport and I can see what that mistake has done to me. I've not made any progress which has brought my strength down.

Day by day you can choose to be stronger but there is only so much you can do for yourself. You have to open up and let others bless your life as you bless theirs. Zion is not one person, after all, it is a group of people with one heart and one mind.

How great would it be to achieve the goal of Zion? it would be fabulous to me. I usually end with a toast to something so my toast today is to the weak....

Here's to the weak that are still striving, to the dreams of the weary, and to the stubborn that don't let people in like I do. We are still deserving and just need to accept help to get us to where we need to be.

-Ani

When under attack

When under attack, you hope you've prepared enough to survive it. It's easy to feel attacked or fed to the dogs, but where is the light of hope? Where is the comfort of home?

This is to another day. This is hope for tomorrow. This is hope to find home.

Prep time: 10 minutes

CONFESSION! I'm a pinner. I just love pinterest but there is one thing I hate about it. Every recipe I pin claims to be super easy so I just sit and dream about it all day. It's all great and dandy until it my dreams become reality and it's supposed to be the best thing ever... right? PSYCH! The biggest lie I've ever been told can be summed up in 4 words. It's even worse than "We need to talk..." That 4 word phrase leaves you stressed out and makes your heart drop. That is nothing compared to this....

"Prep time:10 minutes"

It gets you all excited and then you realize ten minutes into the prep time that there are some stipulations for prep time to only take ten minutes... unless it's canned soup or has no nutritional value that is. You have to have 4 pairs or hands and be able to have your mind think about completely different things at the same time. You have to be focused, my ADD "oh shinny" disorder does not help in this area. You also have to have a fabulously organized morning show kind of kitchen. I think ten minute prep time only happens after doing it multiple times and making it into an art. So really this "prep time" should say: minimum 10 minutes. That is much more realistic!

Anyways, besides the deceiving prep times sometimes included, pinterest is great. Today I not only made Monkey bread but I made forgotten kiss cookies too. It was while making the cookies that I realized I love to think about sweets and can eat sweets all day long as long as all I have to do is open the bag. It's only when I take the time to make the sweets that I feel like I can't eat sugar for the rest of my life. It's such a wonderful world we live in where everything is easily accesible to us within 5 minutes. Fast food meals, heat up dinners and individual sized ice cream tubs. When we crave something and want it, we can eat it... immediately! I know all too well that I can eat a whole bag of sweets to myself in one sitting but when I actually have to cook that meal or make the sweets, I'm no longer as hungry as I was before I made it. Am I the only one who feels this way?Cooking is great and gives me an accomplished feeling. And what do you know, it cured my sweet tooth.

Did I mention today was my birthday? What a great day to lose your sweet tooth! I even let myself have soda today, that felt great but that's the only sweet thing I could down. Maybe 21 years of all-you-can-eat sweets has given me diabetes. Maybe I'm just not used to eating during the day either so when I'm full on real food I don't feel the need to eat sweets. Whatever it is, it's weird. I've never felt like this before.

No matter how weird it is, today was great. I was so blessed with the best birthday present ever... the SUN was shining! Hallelujah! And I get to go country dancing tomorrow. It definitely has been a fabulous day. I owe it all to my dear mother too who has put up with me this long and has shared her birthdays with me since I was born. What a selfless woman who deserves the world!

Here's to everyday we live and pinterest to help us survive boredom
-Ani

Exposed to the elements

Lately, I've found myself getting irritated when people ask me what's wrong. Like there's always something wrong. Yes, I am defensive. I will admit, I am lifted up in my pride. I can't stand when it seems like I'm being ignored and then when I have down time to relax automatically it means I'm depressed or "Stephani's slipping away!" I think myself to be pretty optimistic and smily most of the time, am I fooling myself? I sure hope not!

So today after church, my brother exclaimed he wanted to sit next to me at dinner because I was having "sad time." That definitely wasn't the case but I love that he shows me so much love recently. He even told me today (after telling my mom one of my friends got a new girlfriend) that I am much cooler than other girls. He said, "she wouldn't challenge him to burping contest!" That made me giggle for a long while. No, I may not be "better" than anyone else but I do feel cool now. Who else WOULD challenge their boyfriends to a burping contest? Oh right, nobody with manners :)

There is no better joy than this. But when you realize you're weird that is when you find yourself exposed, whether or not you can handle it. It's the bad word that slips when you hurt your finger or the act of kindness caught in action. I think every life decision has risk and every risk means uncertainty. Uncertainty may mean hurt but not always. Taking a step and following your heart may show you just how wrong you are. I have a tendency to misread things and I know I'm not alone. Daily I find I have to make decisions I don't want to make or am not ready to make but they have to happen. It leaves me exposed and uncomfortable. I think I know what's best for me and sometimes I'm wrong. Sometimes I don't get the chance to find out or fall into others' management because I really just don't want to decide. And who are we kidding? It is always easier for someone else to decide because it's a TON easier to blame other people.

Being stagnant and exposed to the elements is frightening to me. Who wants to be left in the elements exposing everything they hide or try to cover up? When our self image is striped away and we are facing facts face to face, where do I stand? Do I even stand at all? Do I feel naked and ashamed? Do I drop to the floor trying to hide or cover up as much of me as possible? Do I stand with dignity? Do I know where I've done wrong and can I accept it?

Just thinking about these things in daily life, I think about the "end," the last days, and judgment. Where do we stand? Have we reached a Zion nation? I don't think so but maybe I'm the only one who has selfish tendencies... who knows! I should be stoned and cast in the fire for being the way I am. I am proud, not always in a good way. I can sometimes be self righteous. I try so hard not to judge others but in doing so, I judge those who openly judge others. I eat too much sugar and not enough substance. I try so hard to honor my parents and I fail. I use sentences like, "not to be mean or anything but..." or "I love you but.." just setting myself up to say something unkind and justify it all in the same breath. Sorry if this post makes you realize how bad I am but it's true and it's everything I need to work on. I even sometimes love hearing what other people think and how they feel towards others to justify my unkind thoughts and feelings further. I'm bad, I know.

The list can go on and on and it does. Since institute this last week I've had a scripture passage on my mind and I cannot shake it, Moroni 7:45-47. "Charity is kind!" I'm starting to believe I have no charity because every description of charity is everything I don't have. I am far from perfect and no where close to being ready to meet my Savior. I've definitely caused him more pain than he deserves, no one deserves to suffer because of me, my actions or my pride.

Nonetheless, I know my Savior loves me and though I'll never be able to completely repay him I can sure try. We are here to live and learn. To fall and to get back up. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints and most importantly, I am a Christian. I don't deserve seconds chances, ever, but I get them and I am grateful. I know I can live again with my Father in Heaven. I can find happiness with my family not just for this life but for all eternity and I plan to share that with someone special who I've chosen to raise a family with. I'm grateful for agency and I know no one can take that away from me.

A really good friend of mine once shared a quote that touched my heart, "The only truly unique gift that we can give God is our will, everything else is'are just things he has given to us and blessed us with."

To another week of fighting temptations
-Ani

"Holy strep throat Batman!"

Being healthy has it's perks... and being sick has absolutely none! I think now is the time I face the facts and come out. I have a phobia of getting sick. Not a typical germaphobe that is very cautious about their surroundings and the percentage of bacteria and germs everywhere but the girl who really hates being sick. It's almost depressing, literally. I don't want to stay at home and I hate not knowing when I'll be better.

I really don't get sick often, which I much appreciate!!! but when I do about once a year it comes to this: sore throat, aching body, headache and the want to sleep all the time. To be honest I haven't thrown up in over two years!... until yesterday. Killing that streak just sucked! Especially when your throat is so swollen it prolongs the pain. Ok, I'll veer away from that subject now.

And it brings me to point number two. Tonsil extraction. It was inevitable since it's a yearly thing and I have naturally big tonsils but I never thought I would have to face the facts. This is in fact the first year it's actually came back positive for strep throat. Now, I have to go have surgery... in a hospital. Did I tell you I hate hospitals too? Almost every time I go into a hospital or something of the sort I get light headed and pass out. If you think I'm joking ask my dad, he'll tell you about the worst time and subsequently makes it the funniest too. I used to refuse pills when I was younger trying to avoid becoming a drug addict. AND IT WORKED :) Being a naturalist didn't cut it though and there is only so much sleep can do before meds have to step in. So here they are: antibiotics and steroids. Please be good to me or else I will not last much longer.

So after facing all of this that hit me today... in a health clinic, talking about surgery and bed rest... I've come up with a few house rules:

1. No sharing with Stephani.
2. Absolutely NO sharing with Stephani. (did I tell you how voluntarily sharing our family is?_
3. DEFINITELY NO SHARING WITH STEPHANI... (doctors orders due to contagious nature, which leads to rule 4...)
4. No one in this house is allowed to get strep throat. Seeing that Stephani is already the host body and these rules are just now made up, she is exempt. UNTIL one week from now, in which case there will be a family council held to decide her eviction or to let her stay.

So those are the rules from this sick dying soul and hopes to update with a successful recovery soon. Until then, good health!
-Ani

Nothing better

There is nothing quite like the feeling of being well rested and recently I haven't had that good feeling. Knowing this I've been thinking about things that aren't quite like another thing. Truth be told I've lost a lot of things this week including my mind and my voice. You don't know what you have until it's gone, right? Well this post is my chicken noodle soup to try to keep me sane.

There's nothing like morphine for pain, or a hot pad on while you sleep. Nothing quite like a good laugh with a friend and inside jokes that just keep coming back up. There's nothing like Orange juice for breakfast (unless it's an amazing smoothie) or chocolate when you're a little down. There are quite a few therapies and each person enjoys doing a certain thing to relax them or to get their minds off things. For some it's singing real loud, for some it's driving. It's watching a movie and snuggling under a blanket, it's reading a book or "geeking" out. It's smashing pumpkins when you're angry and it's cooking when you're hungry. Whatever it is, it makes you feel better. I have known for a while that writing is therapy for me. I don't care if anyone reads what I write but when I write I show my self how bold I am and that I'm not just another voice in the crowd, I have my own voice and to regret life or let yourself slip away isn't a healthy way to live. In high school I used to write the most silly things most of which I would physically burn after I felt better. I would write love poems and make up stories. I wouldn't let anyone read some of the pathetic love-struck things I've written and I wouldn't mind if I never saw it again but it's my kind of therapy.

When I can't stand being alone, sitting at home, I have another form of therapy which only few have seen through windows. That is dance. If you don't know, I love to dance. I love ballroom dancing, modern and hip hop. Whatever you could thing of, I've probably tried it to release some tension. Some times it may be scary but I just call it passion. What happens when you blast your headphones and find an empty room? Relaxation, new dance moves and you're the only one in the world for however long it may be. My dear roommates can definitely get their laughs in for this certain therapy especially since I don't notice anyone is there but that's what makes it better.

Talking is a therapy and who doesn't like to talk about their situations? It gives you different prospectives and you work through your problems. Whatever the case may be, we all need some one or something.

There's nothing better than a hug or oreos and milk. There's really nothing better than knowing you really aren't alone. To serve is a blessing and to be a friend is a gift.

To finding new therapies and love.
-Ani

The moments, that magic and the lack thereof.

We all have moments. Some good, some bad. Life after all is just innumerable moments linked together in time. You've felt the joy and the pain. The confusion and certainty. Well this post is for my moments larger than life that everyone feels.

This is it, the moments from within. It's the time you forget yourself or when your world suddenly comes to a halt. When you're sitting in a silent room waiting for a sign or when you're praying not to cry. Have you ever gotten in the shower and never wanted to get out? Well I do every day because I think life is easier that way. Life is easy when you have your moments of fun. You have a schedule and as long as it isn't interrupted everything is fine!... But then you're let down or just give up. In my head I see my moments as if they are out of body experiences. Someone sitting next to me watching the emotion in my face. We all build up walls trying not to get hurt and unfortunately we do.

I build up walls and plan out some conversations just so I won't freeze. I'm a thinker and a dreamer. I dread "the talks" and would rather hide yet I deeply desire closer. I do freeze! Most of the time I cannot say what I actually feel. Maybe that's just someones way of saying "keep your mouth shut or you're going to get hurt worse!" ha, I laugh I cry and some times I just sleep to avoid both. I let people down and I get disappointed. It's the moments when you realize how little you are that you then go somewhere. It's being broken down to build yourself up. Life is the joy of the rain, or the feeling of the sun. It's passion and desire. It's finding friends in unexpected places and growing from the dust.

Some times I forget to shave and realize in a public place, slightly ashamed. I dance while walking down unoccupied hallways and always have a song in my head. I love being alone, watching romantic movies just to find hope. I dream of kissing in the rain and ballroom dancing. These are the moments of secrecy. The moments alone help me understand myself and definitely understand that I long for a friend that is just that. Life is complicated and naturally we make it more complicated with time. But this is real.

This is my shout out to weakness and release: thank you for silent conversations. Thank you for tough words. Thank you for the calm after the storm. And thanks for guilt and conscience.

I am grateful for passion and the peace that it brings. We all deserve to find something that gives us joy and helps us deal with stress.

None of these words actually do justice for what I'm trying to say but we can't deny the little things that make our life.

Here's to every moment. May all our future moments be better and full of promise.

-Ani

Davenport!!!

The little town of davenport probably wouldn't be on the map if it wasn't on the mississippi river and linked to a few other towns that create the Quad Cities. I've definitely found a new appreciation for a lot of things since being here like Cafe Rio, Asphalt roads, BYU-Idaho and family, just to name a few. Life is different in a good way. I would be lying if I said I completely loved it or that life was dandy all the time.

I was extremely blessed to come here and spend some time with my family, move in and relax just a bit. I was blessed even more when I found a job shortly after. That's when I got a wake up call and it went something like this.....

"YOU ARE NOT IN BYU IDAHO ANYMORE!!!!!"

And that's that. So needless to say it's been an eye re-opening adventure.

Oh davenport, oh davenport. What will I learn today? Probably something I didn't want to learn for sure. It will most likely consist of where the local bars are or how weird the world is in general. I'll see another ad of the presidential campaigns bashing each other like it's a high school popularity contest and the biggest jock will win. Someone might say something that makes me lose hope in humanity or help me understand gospel principles. And that will happen either directly or indirectly from all questioning I do about people and life.

I have quite enjoyed living here and I've learned a lot about myself. I've seen how easy it is to trust people and that some times you let people down or they let you down. I've learned that while it's nice having someone there for you always, I won't die from the lack of social life or from missing people very dear to me. Meeting new people is always fun and the variety you find can be humorous and you can find awesome friends amongst the lot. I've learned that I can cook too! Even working full time can't put a kink in learning how to use a crock pot. It's super fun and I feel so domestic.

I'm teaching primary too. It's wonderful to be teaching again and to be around such innocent wild, yet sweet, children that know so much and can learn a lot more. It's good to hear them talk about how they see life and what they like to do. Mostly, it's nice to see how much they remember when you think they aren't listening ;) And to teach dance again is the most fun thing I can think of. It's what I love and it's never ending. I haven't personally been dancing much since I got here but being around people that want to learn is so exhilarating! I can definitely see myself doing that for the rest of my life.

So no matter how concerned I am with humanity and what actually happens outside of a BYU setting, I am grateful to be here and to truly enjoy life between the stress and facts of life.

Last but not least here's a little inspiration for the week past and more weeks to come:

2 peter 1:3-4
"According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust."

-Ani

Liberty of one nation, Liberty of the world.

This past Sunday, before Memorial day, I was asked to give a talk in church. I was nervous and felt long winded since the other speakers did not take that long but I was grateful to speak on the subject of Liberty. Liberty in our US nation and the liberty that will come in the near future for others.

**These are my words and though influenced by the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ throughout my life, I am to be held accountable for every word.

A Life of Liberty...

Our history is made of constant conflict, of constant war and never ending deceit to bring down the children of God.

In a first presidency address given by President Gordon B. Hinckley, he says, “There is another war that has gone on since before the world was created and that is likely to continue for a long time. It is a war that reaches beyond questions of territory or national sovereignty.” That is the war in heaven.

President Hinckley continues to talk of the war as “so bitter, so intense, [and] never ceasing. It is the war between truth and error, between agency and compulsion, between followers of Christ and those who have denied him.”

We are on this earth because we chose to follow Christ and the plan of salvation in the pre-mortal existence. We stayed true to this and received a body where we could come down and spiritually grow. We were given agency to choose for ourselves and continue our path towards eternal life or to follow the desires according to the world and our second estate.

There is no question about it that we are on this earth for a divine purpose and have been saved for a certain time to help the work move along. I do not mean for my words today to be a history lesson or to tell you things you already know but to highlight blessings in our lives that give us our agency this day.

From the start, every man was given his agency from God but on this earth our agency can be impaired by the agency of others and those who mean to rule over us. I would like to interchange the word agency with the word “liberty.”

According to the New Oxford dictionary, “While independence is usually associated with countries or nations, freedom and liberty more often apply to people. But unlike freedom, which implies an absence of restraint or compulsion, liberty implies the power to choose among alternatives. Freedom can also apply to the many different types of oppressive influences [like to come or go as you please], while liberty often connotes deliverance or release.”

Especially as a US citizen, you are given many freedoms and are granted liberties daily. As long as you do not break the laws of the land you are free from possible imprisonment and to live life without question. This soil, we call home, has been blessed by God since the beginning.

Ether 2:12 states, “Behold, this is a choice land and whatsoever nation shall possess it shall be free from bondage, and from captivity and from all other nations under heaven, if they will but serve the God of the Land, who is Jesus Christ, who hath been manifested by the things which we have written.”

The history of the New America in more modern times has proven this scripture in many ways. Is not this choice land free from all other nations? Are we not sought after when help is needed and aren’t we free from bondage and have freedoms unheard of throughout the rest of the world?

The price of liberty was given by so many before us, all directed by God. It would be unfair to give all credit to the work of the founding fathers and the work shown in America alone. Plenty of times before the actual freedoms were decided, people gave their lives to breaking away from corrupt religion being blessed with certain understanding of the divinity of God even in a time of apostasy. There was so much oppression that there was a need to reform. People were burned at the stakes for teaching that salvation was not obtained through money or the church leader. For example, Martin Luther dedicated his life to teaching that salvation is a free gift from god through faith in Jesus Christ as a redeemer for our sins. He was not blessed with full understanding but was given just enough to put movements in place. He surely was not the only one and true movement to look for religious freedom could not have been implemented by one man alone.

Another man dear to this country is Christopher Columbus. Though not the first to come upon this blessed land, he could not have come across it without the lord.

2 Nephi 1:6 says, “Wherefore, I, Lehi, Prophesy according to the workings of the Spirit which is in me, that there shall none come upon this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord.”

Even in an account given by Columbus himself, it says, “In the name of the holy trinity, who inspired me with the idea and afterwards made if perfectly clear to me that I could navigate and go… westward.” He was yet another helpmate in the plan to bring liberty to us all.

Great people were put upon this earth in their own due time. It is important to remember that without anyone of the first stepping-stones, we may not have had the Gospel like we have it today. It was expedient that everything happen in its own due time. If timing was off, or if Joseph was given his vision just 10 or 20 years sooner, he could’ve been stoned or burned before the work could even have mention. The Lord truly knows what he’s doing and has the patience to wait until the perfect moment.

This nation was built upon a constitution and just like everything else was divinely brought to pass by certain miracles and knowledge that would withstand many tests and trials to come. Have you ever actually pondered on how the constitution has blessed your own life? Do you know how divine the constitution truly is and the role it plays in bringing the world the truth of the Gospel?

Section 101 of the Doctrine and Covenants is a great resource to hear what the Lord himself has to say about the Constitution. In verse 77 it says, “According to the laws and constitution of the people, which I have suffered to be established, and should be maintained for the rights and protection of all flesh, according to just and holy principles.”

In the preamble, you will find that the purpose of the constitution is to “form a more perfect union.” As a later-day saint, I know that this constitution had all means to be held in the hands of the Lord to bring about Zion in this dispensation. As professed in D&C 101:80, it is “by the hands of wise men whom I raised up unto this very purpose, and redeemed the land by the shedding of blood.”

It was not only the sanctifying blood of the atonement but also the blood shed from the Nephites and the Jaredites that were “swept off” due to iniquity so that there was none left in the land. It’s the bloodshed for the liberty of slaves after the foundation of this country and those that fought for all civil rights. This is the lords nation and (as found in 2 Nephi 1:7), “if it so be that they shall serve him according to the commandments which he hath given, it shall be a land of liberty unto them; wherefore, they shall never be brought down into captivity; if so, it shall be because of iniquity…but unto the righteous it shall be blessed forever.”

I came across a poem that read like this,

"We are ‘One nation, under God’.

Guided by his loving light,

But we’ll be a nation ‘without’ God

If we don’t stand and fight.

God gave us freedom in this land

To worship and to pray.

How can we idly just sit by

watching it be taken away?

There is a God in Heaven.

Let’s not let His light go dim.

How can He bless us from above

If we don’t acknowledge him?”

We are one nation under God made to serve and help bring to pass the salvation of man by spreading liberty. Our Constitution does not just affect us but it has been the template for almost all other nations in the world. All but save 3 countries in the world have a constitution today and it started with the United States of America.

Lastly, I would like to touch on a subject that’s on everyone’s mind in this time as Memorial Day comes and goes. That is the purpose and the sacrifice given in time of war. Especially in more recent war comes the question of whether or not we should be in the Middle East. Many will argue it’s not our place because it’s not our fight but there is a reason for war. And there is a reason we are led by certain presidents to help the work along whether or not they know it.

This topic is close to home for me; being what some would call a “military brat” I have seen truthfulness in the necessity of war. War is devastating and not all lives are spared. With war comes separation and hardship. Even the lucky ones that are spared to come home are dramatically effected. Sometimes by post traumatic stress disorder some by severe dementia but there is need for them and they are in the Lord’s hands in all cases.

Both of my brothers have joined the Army as if it were a family business following my father’s path. In talking to one of them recently he had great knowledge in true purpose of sacrifice for countries we don’t really have a part of and that’s missionary work. First we fought for our country and it’s rights and then we help others. We fight because others are not blessed as we are and need freedoms of some kind to progress physically and spiritually.

As if it were a soldiers’ creed I heard my brother spout off words of Joseph Smith better than any other scripture I’ve thus heard. It went like this,

“The standard of truth has been erected; no unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, wept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.”

I’ve seen first hand that the freedoms that are being challenged in the Middle East will help with the work of the Lord. We cannot proselyte in these countries but the movement has been made and will soon come to pass. While in Egypt many years ago I saw a peaceful attempt to help the work with missionaries. No, they could not proselyte but they could serve those in need. Humanitarian missionaries are doing work just as soldiers; the gospel will be brought to all different countries in all different ways.

In the end, this is still the continued war in heaven to bring the whole world the liberation that comes through Christ. Our purpose is to save our brothers and sisters and to fight off and withstand the powers of hell. It’s to liberate ourselves from the natural man and return once again.

I know the Lord has brought the work forth in ways he saw fit that would last until the second coming. He has his hand in all things so the earth will not be totally wasted. He is with our leaders of the church and of this country that good things might come forth. Even our presidents that have been elected by our own votes have been saved and appointed to do great works no matter how hard situations or imperfect they are.

We are a nation saved and blessed by God. We are to serve Him and we will not be swept away like unto those in Book of Mormon times. I hope we all know or come to know the divinity of Christ and our purpose in this time. Whether we be American citizens or not, the gospel is still in our hands to find out for ourselves, to testify of Christ and to bring the world His truth that all of his children might experience liberty from their enemies and the powers of hell. We can become a Zion people.

-Ani

The Worth of Souls

May has been a funny month, I've felt every emotion known to man.You know when you wake up in the morning you could be happy or sad with what life throws at you so you better just accept it and do all you can to make the best of it. I'm a lucky one blessed with great roommates, family and really great friends to remind me that I'm loved and have great worth.

I've contemplated serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints for sometime now. It's been over two years since the words came out of my mouth as just a thought of what I wanted to do but now it's more than just words. I do not know what the immediate future has for me or if I will get another answer but this one thing I do know is that it's a privilege to share the joy I feel with those around me. With or without a specific call to go to another place for 18 months, I know sharing the gospel of Christ is what I want to do.

I'm a young woman making this decision and I've heard it all from, "don't go, you're too young," to "you shouldn't think twice about it!" I enjoy hearing advice from those around me but the intent of my writing today is not about me and my decisions but of what I know to be true and my feelings I've felt so strongly. This is my testimony to the world:

Life is not perfect and it never goes according to plan. Sometimes hurtful things are said and we feel like we're being attacked as individuals. It's no new news that confidence can be lower easily and self-esteem is diminishing among all different cultures and walks of life. Everyone just wants to be loved, right?

In the Doctrine and Covenants, a book usually found in accompaniment with the Book of Mormon, we find divine truth about the worth of souls. In chapter 18 verses 10-13, I am comforted with knowledge that every soul is of high value in the eyes of the lord. The Lord and my Savior, Jesus Christ suffered the pains of death that I might not have to bear the burden on my own. What human being could actually take upon their own pains and still live through it or bring themselves to heaven in the end? It's a common phrase that I've heard it everywhere in reference to embarrassment, pain, sadness and just about everything else, "I just want to die." Well, I have news for the world! Someone did die that we might be comforted, that we might live again in peace after all of our trials and pains are through. He is, Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ may not be a physical being in my life but he's still a great influence to me. In the bible we find Christ himself talking of us as friends. St John 15:15-16, "I have called you friends." The ultimate friendship is given to us and with nurturing and commitment to live up to the call, we can live face to face with our friend again. When all the world has no more material value, I will see my friend again.

Surely the Lord would not call us his friends if we had no worth or had no potential to rise up with him. Even in our trials no matter how "unfair" they may be, they are not for nothing. Our trials give us opportunity to prove ourselves and to grow to be better. I was told today that trials come to all people. What makes the difference is how we've prepared ourselves before the storm. In St Matthew a parable is given two houses, one built on a rock and another built on the sand. The houses are us and how we weather storms. Storms will come to all people, righteous or not but we can survive if we stand strong.

I know that life is not fair. We get sick, we do not live forever and bad things simply happen and the righteous are not always spared. When obstacles stand in our way, our testimony will shine, spoken through our reactions. I know it will be better if just endure to the end.

To those who are alone, you will find comfort and companionship. To those who've lost loved ones, you will see them again. To those in pain, relief is soon at hand. To those I love, thank you. To the whole world, I know these things are true.

Never lose hope. 1 John 3:3, "And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure." The Savior will make you whole and he is mindful of you. He can heal us because he has the power over physical things, mental things and over all elements we know. Do not doubt your worth or your place in this world. You deserve the best and can rise above whatever your past has been. Even the good can get better and the wounds will heal with time.

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints and I believe in Christ. We will live again and can live forever with our families through righteousness. We have modern day prophets on this earth and the hand of God is in all things. You are never alone.

These things I am held accountable for and hope it's enough to convict me of being a believer.
Stay strong
-Ani

This one's to the future...

Well Nephi saw the future but I can't ask for those kind of dreams. So instead, I have my one minute at a time rule. I can't even think "day at a time" because even that's overwhelming. In my Book of Mormon studies I've also found two more rules to keep me safe and indeed make my life a happy one.

Alma 41:9

"Do not risk one more offense against your God upon there points of doctrine, which ye have hitherto risked to commit sin."

Alma 41:14

"Deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall you receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again"

So goals of the week:

Don't put yourself in situations where you could be tempted. You shouldn't risk playing with sin. I should also do good unto everyone, pray for my "enemies" that I might love those that it's hard to deal with. I pray everything else will fall in line as I try to love those around me and try my best in all situations I encounter.

Until next time,

always... Stephani Ray