The Gift of Time

I've been thinking a lot recently about just why I feel I never have enough time to do anything. Right now I should have plenty of time to do everything! I only work about 4 hours a day and I have at least 2 days off a week, so why do I feel like I am so busy?!

In my current situation I would say it's because everyone else I know works when I'm off and I work when the rest of the world is getting home. I'm not busy exactly but every time someone offers to do some thing I am. But it didn't always used to be this way. When I used to work normal hours or when I was in school I would find my self busy during the day with my obligations and still turn down offers after simply stating that "I am busy." I would find that I was too busy to even pick my clothes up off the floor and I was too busy to sit and read my scriptures. I was too busy or too tired to do the things I knew I should be doing.

I recently read something about time that I find to be eye opening. It's a story of Satan and his power over us:

"In his opening address to his evil angels, Satan said, "We can't keep the Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken. 

So, let them go to their churches; let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that relationship with Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Saviour and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"

"How shall we do this?" shouted his angels. 

"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon, their home will offer no escape from the pressures of work! 

"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice. Entice them to play the radio whenever they drive. To keep the TV, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ. Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers.

"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogues, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes. Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines so the husbands will believe that external beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Ha! That will fragment those families quickly! 

"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead. Keep them busy, busy, busy! And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions. 

"Go ahead, let them be involved in soul winning; but crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. It will work! It will work!"
It was quite a convention. The evil angels went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there."

I find most of this to be true in my own life. I am over crowded with little things I forget to count my blessings. I forget to thank Heavenly Father for all he has given me. I used to work multiple jobs just to keep myself busy. I wasn't productive at home so I found a way to avoid it. WORKING! Working late hours, working 6 days of the week, always making myself available just in case one of my coworkers called out sick so I would be able to work MORE! It's the sad truth. Did I need to work 2-3 jobs all the time? No. I needed to learn how to save what I did make and be patient to earn the things I couldn't afford. I needed to spend time with my family and show my brothers love.

Now that I do have time off and only work part time, it's easy to see just how much time I wasted. I worked myself so much I was an emotional wreck (and I'm still getting over that). I neglected my spiritual strength by not reading scriptures or even praying. Of the 24 hours in the day, I could not even find 15 minutes to talk to my Heavenly Father and listen to His words. If I had time off, I spent it sleeping and when I would wake I would watch TV and blast my music which most of the time put me back to sleep!

I do not have someone to motivate me during the day and I have all this time to myself and I still find it hard to just sit down and read but I am now trying much harder. I cannot deny that I have fallen subject to the busyness of the world and of a truly empty lifestyle. One day of worship a week is not enough to sustain a relationship with God or our Savior Jesus Christ. It is not enough to redeem us in this ever falling world. To be faithful and true takes a lot of work and to do so we must be free from the ever loud distractions are around us.

The Lord will never tempt us above what we are able to bear. To be busy is a choice and to be too busy will hurt us. As President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."

I have never heard anyone sound happy about working multiple jobs and having no time. It's always an exclamation of sadness and wishing it didn't have to be so. But I know if we just make enough time to pray and do the things that matter most, everything will work out. We will truly be happier even if you do need more than one job to sustain your family. There is nothing wrong with that! I just mean to say, remember who you are and what life is truly about. Do the things that matter and will help you spiritually and then your worldly needs will be met graciously (and certainly unexpectedly) by Heavenly Father.

I wish you all happy holidays! I hope you find the gift of time important and things that will fill it with happiness and spiritual upliftment. Start small and build the habit so nothing will stand in your way. Soon you will find your strength to be strong enough to move mountains. Satan may bruise your heal but will not bring you down without your consent. Remember you have strength over temptations and power over Satan. Don't forget just how strong you are!

Always here,
Ani

Diary of an outsider

It's not hard to notice I stand out just a bit here in Las Vegas. Partially due to the look on my face, the wonder and confusion I have about the new area. Partially the Iowa plates and how I dress. Just yesterday I found my self thinking that it's almost december and I should probably put on a jacket because it's going to be getting colder.... I was wrong. Yesterday was the hottest day all week! I was out in a scarf and a winter coat surrounded by shorts, T-shirts and bikinis still being sold in the stores.

I've come to terms with new moves and change but I'm overwhelmed with unease. I feel as if I am walking through settled lives merely looking in on how other people live. They are comfortable in their own lives and I am a disturbance. Perhaps disturbance is only to be used in certain occasions but in all, I am definitely an outsider. I hope it's just me getting used to the idea of "settling" myself. And I only wish it were easier.

I'll be honest, I've hardened my heart just a little because I do have expectations. I have expectations that people are friendly and can relate to my situation but here they cannot. I expect people to hold conversation and pretend to be interested in our encounter but they are not. I expect turn over and being more lucky with another group of people but I am not. I want so much to reach out and serve but I am restrained by the sadness of being an outsider. I never want to step on toes or intrude so I politely sit quiet. I want to be the friendly person to a new face like I didn't have but how dare I? HOW DARE I?

Even when I try to reach out, I feel slightly rejected. Some don't even tell me their names. Do you think you need to distance yourself from me? Will your name give me some leverage into your life that you don't want me to have? AM I AN ALIEN?! I promise not to hold you hostage against your will and keep you as a pet!

I know there are bonds stronger here than I could find strength to forge on my own. Of course it's hard to forge a bond without someone else. It's like I throw the rope and tie myself up!! I will admit I'm comfortable this way but even with a loving husband and a playmate named Mac, I cannot help but long for another friendship. A friendship that doesn't consist of Call of Duty or throwing a ball so you can bring it back to me. A friendship that can get me out of the house and out of my comfort zone. Something outside of a "hi" before sunday school or family relations. I want to talk about what I'm reading or what's good recipes to cook. I want to ask someone questions and an answer to be more than "alright." I can listen for hours but I'd like to talk too.

This isn't the first time I've felt like an outsider and I've had a happy ending before. I'm sure my present situation will not last forever either. Previously, when I felt alone, on the outside, it only took one person and a reminder that Jesus Christ is my friend. When the road is long and the nights are dark, I'm only slightly alone. So here it is SANTA! This holiday season I simply ask for a friend. I want to be wanted and I want to show love and friendship toward someone else. If not my talents will surely be wasted!!

Now I know this blog seems unusual and I sound like I've been complaining. But I assure you I am not. I am still optimistic though my heart is a little sad. I don't want to feel like an outsider and I don't want to make anyone else feel that way either.

For all of those far away, remember your friends. Hold them dear to your heart and show them your love. I know there are many more people in the world that feel more lonely than me. If that is you, I pray for you too! Rejoice for the life you have.

-Stephani