Once upon a time, I had many passions that I served with conviction. This was a time long before the economy stressed me out. It was long before I became a "work-aholic" and before Ellie was even dreamed about. Since I've been blessed with a little girl, I have been able to reflect on the days gone by and it's quite inspiring to me.
In my fairytale, I loved blogging and dancing. I loved taking pictures and took my camera virtually everywhere I went. I would dream about being a stay-at-home mom with her successful business on the side but working with various corporations ruined that for me. They haven't corrupted me, my views simply changed. I starting working as management at a wonderful fast food restaurant. Plans went from "stay-at-home mom" to "store owning and operating individual." I loved working 50 hours a week because with the little pay it meant more money. More hours also meant more experience. I became the reliable employee and was always in the store when we were short staffed. I placed work before a lot of things and that carried over even when I changed companies and job titles. I love being dedicated but it wasn't until recently, at the end of my pregnancy while I was still working, that I realized how much I have truly lost because of it. Now I have all this time to myself I can see everything I've sacrificed so far. It's not all bad. I am so grateful I was able to work at a time when I could and consequently save for our baby girl and for future endeavors.
Things I feel I have lost is all the time to really connect with those around me outside of family members. It's hard to grow close when you work so much that you do not want to do anything outside of your house when you have time off. I truly grew lazy. I lost my connection with people and my desire to be outgoing. I haven't touched my camera in over a year and I certainly don't dance anymore. I know I would be so much happier with these things back in my life. It will take me some time to get comfortable with it all again but I fully intend to not let it get like this again.
I want to clarify that I love working. Working gives me time to get out of my house and I get paid to be productive. What I don't like is working so much as a part time employee that I lose time for other things. As I stated earlier, all of this realization has inspired me to change. I don't want work to rule my life. I want to be in command of my life and I want to be confident in my passions once again.
In the next little bit, I intend to work on my talents and feel competent in those areas. I really want to blog seriously. I want to re-create my life. I am going to make sure I feel accomplished and yet still enjoy life around me. I am going to find time to read more and play with my daughter and pups. I know I will just die of heartache if I find myself neglecting them.
This is a new start to my happily ever after with my husband by my side, our daughter in our arms and our dogs to protect us.
-Ani
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