- For starters, I made the choice to go back to work. I LOVE working! I may not love leaving my home or the politics of work but I love customer service. It is so rewarding to me. I dive in deep trying to help guests any way I can and when I get a good review, my heart melts. Not quite the same melt as when my daughter smiles and giggles but a really good feeling overwhelms me. It helps me feel accomplished. I'm reminded that not everything I do is overlooked.
- Second, I'm a bad mother because I let my baby watch TV. Yes, I said it. My three month old watches TV!! Shame on me... It started just last week. We were waiting for bedtime to come and I wanted to watch Tangled. I could watch that movie 5 times a day whether or not I'm a mom but now I have a little girl to share the joy with. I laid her down to get a little work done and she didn't fuss for a single minute of the movie. She still gets time on her play mat but she really prefers disney. I can hear her laughing and coo every scene. It's like she's talking to them. It makes her so happy. And yet, I'm made to feel like a bad mother.
I'm not going to lie. I read every article out there about studies done with kids and technology. I still dream about my children playing outside and having the awesome childhood I had. I became judgemental when I saw kids stuck on technology and not interacting with the person sitting next to them. Yet, here I am letting my newborn watch tv so I can get a little work done. Is that really so bad?
- I am horrible because I pick up my child when she cries AND I let her cry it out. It seems like there are so many mixed articles on the cry it out method and soothing a fussy baby. I'm bad if I do and I'm bad if I don't. During the day, I just pick her up. Not that it's bad to let your child fuss but I like a happy baby during the day. I hold her and I give her a binky whenever she wants.
At night, even though I'd like to sooth her as quick as possible so she doesn't wake herself up, I tend to sleep through the cries. I wake up and don't really know how long she's been crying. But crying means she's alive so that's a miracle to me. My poor husband hears it all and has to nudge me if she's hungry. For the record, when it's just me and her, I am way more alert because I don't rely on someone else to help.
- Lastly, I'm a bad mother because I have crib bumpers... or HAD crib bumpers. Until the articles and voices of others got to a worried first time dad. My newborn hardly moves in her sleep. I can see the worries for older babies and toddlers but the decision should be left to every parent without judgement. I am well informed of the risks and should be left to do as I please. I shouldn't have had to fight about or be brought to tears over something so silly as crib bumpers before my child was even born. Let a momma BREATHE!
I have a lot more learning to do and I'm finding what works for me and what doesn't. I'm sorry if I have made anyone feel the way I have felt. From this moment on, I promise not to judge you if you don't judge me.