As some of you know, a few weeks before Ellie was born, I was told I had to have a cesarean section due to her breech position. I was absolutely TERRIFIED! In my head, this was never an option and I certainly did not expect it. After they told me, I probably cried at LEAST once a day but kept telling myself to accept it because it's better to be safe and have a healthy baby girl than to be stubborn (even though I did continue to fight with the doctors a bit...).
The night before going in, I cried and cried still. I was brave all morning and throughout the early afternoon but when they wheeled me into the Operating Room, I lost it for the last time. I was so scared and My husband wasn't even allowed in while I was given my spinal block. I was a total mess. The anesthesiologist kept telling me to "STOP CRYING." It wasn't even like I was sobbing uncontrollably that she couldn't do her job, she just wanted to be a little bit insensitive. She even tried bribing me... Yes, you read that right, she BRIBED me. She kept saying, "If you stop crying, I'll let your husband come in sooner." Let's just say that only made it worse as I then re-realize I was alone in a sterile room with nurses I did not know and an angry lady stabbing me with a needle.
Quickly, I lost all feeling in my hips and legs as I laid there on the table just wanting to run out the door. That, however, was not possible knowing I didn't have any control of my legs and I was about to pass out purely from fear. So instead of running, I laid there embracing myself for the feel of the scalpel as other c-section moms told me I would feel. I must have had an extra dose of numbness because (thankfully!) I did not feel any cutting. The only feeling I had was tugging on my upper abdomen and then... it was over. I got to watch Colton's face the whole time, trying to stay conscious, as he watched the doctors do the procedure.
I have to tell you now that when I went in to the OR, they told me the surgery will happen and my daughter would be born in less than a few minutes but it would take some time to get me all stitched up and back to my recovery room, most likely up to an hour. I was also told that once my baby was born that Colton would be leaving with her to get measurements and clean her up. Luckily, they didn't leave the room. I got to watch as our daughter laid down to be cleaned up slightly and then weighed and measured. All of the prior fear went away as soon as I saw my husband standing next to Ellie and helping the nurses do their thing. I was emotionally numb at that point and then I was hit with overwhelming joy. Not only do I have the best husband in the world but now we both have a beautiful (slightly grumpy) daughter and our love is only growing!
I was out of the operating room holding Ellie within 10 minutes of her being born. Then she was given a proper bath and I was rolled from operating bed to another bed. I am extremely grateful for the help from Heavenly Father that made me forget my fears and gave us a baby girl. There definitely was no power on this Earth that could've helped me with that beside His love and the Priesthood, through which I was given a blessing some time ago.
Now, a few things I wasn't told about a c-section. First is that the shot I was given could affect other parts of my body (My shoulders were tingling slightly). Second, I would lose complete feeling around the incision for as little as 6 months and some people never regain feeling in the incision area because the nerves were cut... GREAT! I won't complain but it's definitely a weird feeling. Third, I would have to crawl into a ball before coughing or sneezing to avoid pain. Don't worry if you see me cower randomly throughout the day.
Anyways, Coming home was great! I wanted to get out of the hospital and get home to my own environment. The dogs went crazy when they first met Ellie and every time she cries, they run to her side as if trying to help. I sincerely think they are worried for her when she cries. It's pretty sweet. Being woken up throughout the night isn't as bad as I thought it would be, either. The first week she slept in her bassinet by our bed so it was pretty easy to access her and comfort her when needed. It was also much easier to wake up rather than having her down the hall. On day six, she spent the night in her crib. This was completely traumatizing to me. She's less than two weeks and I already sob uncontrollable at the thought of her growing up!! She's down the hall and I cry to Colton that I miss our daughter like she flew across the world to live with someone else. Pathetic I know but I love her to pieces.
I could go on and on about her first week of life but I suppose I should save some for another post. Just know that Eliana Skye is happy and healthy and she has two parents that are completely, obsessively in love with her. Our lives have changed for the best and we are only moving forward.
With love,
Ani
No comments:
Post a Comment