When everything seems so far away.

Sometimes it seems like everything I love is so far away from me. My family first of all. Why do I choose to live places where I don't have family connection? It's been so long since I've seen these dear loved ones. My boyfriend second of all. I've never been one to "do long distance" but once I decided I could do it, it has taught me so many things. I know I am strong enough to get through trials. Heavenly Father has never tempted me above what I am able to withstand. Whether or not I stay strong or give in to weakness, there has always been a way to get through hard times. I often forget this. This week alone, I forgot it as if I never knew it.

I am so blessed with people who love me and help me in ways they don't even know. I'm surrounded by love! I live with my best friends for Heavens' sake! Why I forget I'm loved is beyond me. I believe it has a lot to do with my last post. My selfish heart has definitely gotten the better of me this semester. I don't believe I've served enough and my thoughts were centered around me and getting through my trials. Yes, I do have to think of me sometimes but I thought of me too much this semester. I heard many times this semester that there is much worse things than having to do art projects or take tests in a wonderful university. Some people are fighting cancer and trying to enjoy life and I'm just complaining. Yes, bad things happen to me and my loved ones sometimes but they are so minute compared to the grand scheme of life.

What makes it worse is that I bottle things up... all the time! So when selfish thoughts arrive, they consume me. Starting right now, I'm going to change that. Last week, a professor of mine challenged us to make goals. Not for next month or next week or tomorrow, he challenged us to make changes now. In this minute in this hour in this day in the 2013 year of the Lord, I am a better person than I was five minutes ago (or at least I hope so). If I am not, I will be in five minutes from now. You know how they say change is constant? Well it is, I just have to make sure that change is always moving me forward and helping others along the way.

I have found comfort today in these simple words, "Be still my soul." It's a wonderful message and it seems to be popping up everywhere recently. It's what I need to hear and I'm sure I will hear a lot more hard truth and comfort tomorrow during General Conference.

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side.
Through patience bear thy cross of grief and pain
Leave to thy God, to order and provide,
In every change, he faithful will remain.
BE STILL MY SOUL! Thy best, thy heavenly friend
through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

I've forgotten that I have a best friend in heaven. Love seems so far away because I have forgotten; because it is easy to worry about me and forget the simplicity of life. Where has it all gone?

Here is to another day to a better me, to leaving other people better than I found them and rediscovering the simplicity of life. And this is to finding answers to life questions. Happy conference weekend!

-Ani