The past month I've found Colton and myself mentioning how blessed we are. In the car on the way to the grocery store, as I'm getting tucked in to bed and even when we're cleaning the kitchen. I have been grateful for the life I've been given and the opportunity I have to lead my own life, with choices and consequences. It brings a smile to my face when I hear Colton say, "I don't know what anyone is talking about when they say the first year of marriage is hard." Either I'm doing something completely right as a first time wife or we are extremely blessed.
Yes, today is my one year anniversary and I don't have anything to complain about! Colton is right in saying we've had a very easy year together. Every one told us how hard it would be to transition from single to married life and how we would fight but learn important things from it. Well, we have had our differences but neither of us think we "fight." I know I'm not the best communicator but Colton has definitely opened me up more than I was and I'm getting better. It's comforting knowing I have someone who encourages me to speak my mind and though it has taken patience on his part, I eventually always do.
I thought the hardest things for me would be moving to vegas (so far away from my family), and learning to share finances with another person. It took some adjusting to those but it wasn't necessarily "hard." For one, I honestly think I'm "living the life." For two, it's easier to be financially stable with more than just one income. The blessing I've found in sharing finances with Colton is we keep each other in check. We know what we want to put into savings and we can talk about what's needed vs what's wanted. Yes, we are driven by our wants sometimes because it's fun and we can afford to at the moment. This is the most surprising because after all the advice was given about a hard first year, I thought we would struggle a ton in the financial arena. I just expected it.
Every day I can honestly tell myself I made the right choice. I think there is so much pressure put on young adults to make the right decision that it's natural to doubt. I'm a compulsive worrier and thought I would always wonder in small degrees if there was some road less travelled by that I should've taken but this is not the case. As cheesy as it sounds, I know every broken heart and every opportunity lost brought me to where I am. There is a reason I got rejected more than once to the Disney College internship. There is a reason I transferred colleges and there is a reason my dad was always right! No matter how hard I fought The Great Houdini's wisdom, it was always going to turn out this way so long as I was choosing the right. I wasn't wasting time in other relationships, I was growing to be a better woman and to gain experiences I will now be able to pass on to my daughter. It's not to keep her from making mistakes or forcing her to live a certain way but I'm sure it will help me bond with all my children. It helps me realize everyday that I am simply a human being and even though my goal is to be Super Woman, it's better knowing I'm the daughter of a king who found my prince charming eventually.
I am grateful I have this knowledge too. Who else feels this way? Do you feel the happiness of simply knowing? Of learning? Or feel the blessing of retaining information? To know is a very powerful thing. To love unconditionally and be loved in return is pure bliss. When you know love, problems seem to fix themselves in time.
I could go on forever about how lucky I am but I think I'm about to reach the point of gloating and I don't want that! I recognize the good things that have happened and the happiness it has brought me and my husband. I truly believe this is in everyone's reach. I wish I could share this feeling and help people find it through positivity. I'm not positive all the time but when I get a feeling like this, it's hard to remember what negativity is.
Here's to another year with my sweetheart and a new adventure with our daughter. I hope we can always remember our blessings and the things we've learned in this first year. I love you, Colton!
-Ani
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Total Eclipse of Emotions
Anyone who read my last post knows how I've been affected by hormones recently. This is definitely all about my emotions and what I've felt recently so you might want to stop reading now. You've received your warning!
Yesterday I woke up late for a doctors appointment and experienced total panic. I HATE the feeling you get when you have missed something, especially when it's after you wake up. The sinking stupidity that you feel when you sleep through your alarm clock and are late for work is exactly what I felt. Once I called the office to get a later appointment I was relieved and left to be happy again.
I've had some bad experience with the doctor's office I go to mostly through hours of waiting and staffing besides the doctors. That being said, I was determined to not be bothered by anything that may arise. I walked in, signed in, filled out a form and patiently waited, I wasn't waiting too long so I was still a happy girl by the time I got to see the doctor.
While in the office I got my exam and after finding out I am not dilated at all, I received a quick ultrasound to see baby's position. I was NOT surprised when they told me she was sitting straight up just as I do every day. Her head is close to my heart and her feet are dancing on my bladder. I was surprised, however, when they next told me this position would make it so I have to have a cesarean section. If you know me then you know this almost made me pass out thinking of being cut and stitched but instead I tried to talk to the doctor calmly and fought back tears until she left. If she does not change position then we will have to go through with the scheduled operation for the safety of my little sweetheart. We are praying for the best and if it so be she will not turn, we will be grateful for a healthy baby.
The wave of emotions came as we were driving away. The surprise of this news sent me in a million different directions. I felt everything! I was a little angry that this could be my fault not doing enough exercises or being proactive like all the other pregnant people around me. I've been so caught up in work and enjoying the time I have with Colton, being just us, that I just haven't felt I've prepared myself physically or adequately. After the anger was the sadness. I was slowly sinking into my brain trying to figure this out and deal with this and it just made me sad. I was sad and still am utterly afraid of what could happen.
The fear hit me hardest. I just never considered that this could be an option unless there were complications during my "planned" natural birth. Then I felt selfish. I became angry that I wouldn't have considered this.
Then I felt relieved. Once I accepted that this is a new possibility, I realized it's kind of great knowing when my baby will come and that she will be safer if I get over my fear and take one for the team. We still pray something will change but I know the best thing will happen for me and my family. We have THREE weeks and a lot could change.
That is my spectrum of emotions and after all is said and done, I am still exhausted! I am grateful we know good from evil, and happiness from sadness but I never thought I would need to experience so many opposites in one day.
Your prayers are appreciated for our little girl but we know the best will happen. This news is not the end of the world but simply the beginning decision that will help Ellie start her life safely.
-Ani
Yesterday I woke up late for a doctors appointment and experienced total panic. I HATE the feeling you get when you have missed something, especially when it's after you wake up. The sinking stupidity that you feel when you sleep through your alarm clock and are late for work is exactly what I felt. Once I called the office to get a later appointment I was relieved and left to be happy again.
I've had some bad experience with the doctor's office I go to mostly through hours of waiting and staffing besides the doctors. That being said, I was determined to not be bothered by anything that may arise. I walked in, signed in, filled out a form and patiently waited, I wasn't waiting too long so I was still a happy girl by the time I got to see the doctor.
While in the office I got my exam and after finding out I am not dilated at all, I received a quick ultrasound to see baby's position. I was NOT surprised when they told me she was sitting straight up just as I do every day. Her head is close to my heart and her feet are dancing on my bladder. I was surprised, however, when they next told me this position would make it so I have to have a cesarean section. If you know me then you know this almost made me pass out thinking of being cut and stitched but instead I tried to talk to the doctor calmly and fought back tears until she left. If she does not change position then we will have to go through with the scheduled operation for the safety of my little sweetheart. We are praying for the best and if it so be she will not turn, we will be grateful for a healthy baby.
The wave of emotions came as we were driving away. The surprise of this news sent me in a million different directions. I felt everything! I was a little angry that this could be my fault not doing enough exercises or being proactive like all the other pregnant people around me. I've been so caught up in work and enjoying the time I have with Colton, being just us, that I just haven't felt I've prepared myself physically or adequately. After the anger was the sadness. I was slowly sinking into my brain trying to figure this out and deal with this and it just made me sad. I was sad and still am utterly afraid of what could happen.
The fear hit me hardest. I just never considered that this could be an option unless there were complications during my "planned" natural birth. Then I felt selfish. I became angry that I wouldn't have considered this.
Then I felt relieved. Once I accepted that this is a new possibility, I realized it's kind of great knowing when my baby will come and that she will be safer if I get over my fear and take one for the team. We still pray something will change but I know the best thing will happen for me and my family. We have THREE weeks and a lot could change.
That is my spectrum of emotions and after all is said and done, I am still exhausted! I am grateful we know good from evil, and happiness from sadness but I never thought I would need to experience so many opposites in one day.
Your prayers are appreciated for our little girl but we know the best will happen. This news is not the end of the world but simply the beginning decision that will help Ellie start her life safely.
-Ani
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Break outs
As an expecting mommy, I didn't expect much from pregnancy. There are too many sources that will tell you what will happen during your pregnancy. I had to stop reading them because I am totally different. EVERYONE IS! Now my research is mostly just to find out if what's happening to my body could be natural from pregnancy or if I should be worried because it could be harmful. Here are a few of MY struggles:
HORMONES
One thing that I've found to be the most common ground in these "many sources" is hormones. The female body is doing a lot of work during pregnancy even though we don't physically have to control it (thank goodness). There is so much change happening and our hormones are not balanced in the slightest. It's easy to get worked up over little things.
I've always been an emotional person. I would shed a tear or feel my throat tighten every time I express my love for something. Any one who has heard me talk about my Savior or how blessed I feel will know this. Even if it's about silly things, I'm driven by my conviction and I can't always control the emotions that come with it. Knowing this about myself, I certainly did expect to be an emotional pregnant woman but I am surprised by the way it approaches me.
I say this because it's an out of body feeling. I know how to breathe and calm down but when you just start crying and cannot control it, I feel really silly!! The other week at work, I was just about to go home but decided to answer one last phone call so my colleague wouldn't have to. Looking back, I should've just walked away and not thought twice because what happens next left me scarred. A guest called very upset that something with his order wasn't right. The payment information he provided was declined and it was ALL OUR FAULT. He threw out accusations that we had double and triple charged his card and since it was declined now it's hurting his account etc etc. Trying to be calm and help the guest, I asked many questions trying to find out what exactly the situation was as I have not had a hand in this as of yet. Let's just say he wasn't having any of my questions. Apparently I'm supposed to know everything about every interaction my colleagues have with guests. Well, he wouldn't answer my questions and was ALL too happy to yell at me and tell me what I need to do. "YOU need to read YOUR notes!" "YOU need to stop charging my card!""YOU messed up!" (A guest like this I can only assume he wanted me to simply say, "I'm sorry, let me comp that for you.") Well pregnant and innocent me couldn't handle being yelled at and told that I'm worthless so cue the tears!!
I even nicely placed him on hold to take a step back before I tried one more time to calm him down. Silly me thought I could actually help someone who didn't deserve to be helped with such strong accusations. Coming back on the phone, he wouldn't let me get a single word in so I told him he can talk to my manager. I couldn't even transfer him or explain the situation before I was bawling like a child. I could only imagine my ugly crying face and my loud sobbing did nothing but scare the whole department. It truly was an out of body feeling. Almost as if I sat and watched myself crying in the mirror. I knew none of this was my fault and come next week I wouldn't even remember his name (thanks again to pregnancy I am super forgetful like that). I just could not control myself and nothing I would do could calm me down. In the end, not only could I not calm down, I was so embarrassed by my lack of control I thought I was going to DIE!
ANGER
My sad emotions are just as strong as my mad ones. It's easy to be mad these days! The slightest things can tick me off and though I will not do much to express them, they build up inside of me and I am trapped living the moments over and over again in my head.
It's a dangerous in general for women to think, but to have a pregnant woman left alone to her thoughts and her anger is not advisable. If this is you too, drop what you're doing and tell someone about it! The forgiveness that was freely given prior is not so available now as stress overcomes you. I know I need release. It used to be dancing or going for a run which is not so easy these days. So, here I am... BLOGGING.
APPEARANCE
If you didn't feel good about your appearance before pregnancy, that's not likely to change afterwards. I try to imagine myself one way as a pregnant woman but when I look in the mirror that image is shattered. I guess I'm still hoping next time I look I will be able to see my six pack again. With pregnancy, my skin has gotten dryer, my muscles weaker and my hair is untamable.
STRESS
I would like to say baby girl has made me feel younger in some ways. There is no doubt I am reliving high school all over again. I'm so stressed out that I am more emotional and MY FACE... breaking out like nothing I've experienced before. Stress acne is not cute and hurts the "appearance" department. Building stress also helps the anger department for sure. I hope this goes away soon but I know no medicated facial cleanser can help with stress. I need meditation and a good yoga class but first I need to find the energy to get out of my house!
Despite all the emotions, the stress, the anger, and the appearance problems it really is amazing to see the changes that come with pregnancy. I know it's such a blessing to be a mother. I don't mean to complain about pregnancy, I really love it. But it has its challenges and things you cannot control. My body is making something that will bring me such joy for a lifetime to come and I'm doing it hand and hand with the Lord. It's a great opportunity to be a creator and to aspire to my divine potential as a mother and a teacher. I've always wanted to be a teacher but not so much in the school setting. I cannot wait to play with this little girl and laugh with her. My husband is my best friend but I think my love is expanding and pretty soon I will have TWO best friends. Who says you can't be friends with you children? I'm going to prove you wrong. My circle of friends is only going to get bigger!
-Ani
HORMONES
One thing that I've found to be the most common ground in these "many sources" is hormones. The female body is doing a lot of work during pregnancy even though we don't physically have to control it (thank goodness). There is so much change happening and our hormones are not balanced in the slightest. It's easy to get worked up over little things.
I've always been an emotional person. I would shed a tear or feel my throat tighten every time I express my love for something. Any one who has heard me talk about my Savior or how blessed I feel will know this. Even if it's about silly things, I'm driven by my conviction and I can't always control the emotions that come with it. Knowing this about myself, I certainly did expect to be an emotional pregnant woman but I am surprised by the way it approaches me.
I say this because it's an out of body feeling. I know how to breathe and calm down but when you just start crying and cannot control it, I feel really silly!! The other week at work, I was just about to go home but decided to answer one last phone call so my colleague wouldn't have to. Looking back, I should've just walked away and not thought twice because what happens next left me scarred. A guest called very upset that something with his order wasn't right. The payment information he provided was declined and it was ALL OUR FAULT. He threw out accusations that we had double and triple charged his card and since it was declined now it's hurting his account etc etc. Trying to be calm and help the guest, I asked many questions trying to find out what exactly the situation was as I have not had a hand in this as of yet. Let's just say he wasn't having any of my questions. Apparently I'm supposed to know everything about every interaction my colleagues have with guests. Well, he wouldn't answer my questions and was ALL too happy to yell at me and tell me what I need to do. "YOU need to read YOUR notes!" "YOU need to stop charging my card!""YOU messed up!" (A guest like this I can only assume he wanted me to simply say, "I'm sorry, let me comp that for you.") Well pregnant and innocent me couldn't handle being yelled at and told that I'm worthless so cue the tears!!
I even nicely placed him on hold to take a step back before I tried one more time to calm him down. Silly me thought I could actually help someone who didn't deserve to be helped with such strong accusations. Coming back on the phone, he wouldn't let me get a single word in so I told him he can talk to my manager. I couldn't even transfer him or explain the situation before I was bawling like a child. I could only imagine my ugly crying face and my loud sobbing did nothing but scare the whole department. It truly was an out of body feeling. Almost as if I sat and watched myself crying in the mirror. I knew none of this was my fault and come next week I wouldn't even remember his name (thanks again to pregnancy I am super forgetful like that). I just could not control myself and nothing I would do could calm me down. In the end, not only could I not calm down, I was so embarrassed by my lack of control I thought I was going to DIE!
ANGER
My sad emotions are just as strong as my mad ones. It's easy to be mad these days! The slightest things can tick me off and though I will not do much to express them, they build up inside of me and I am trapped living the moments over and over again in my head.
It's a dangerous in general for women to think, but to have a pregnant woman left alone to her thoughts and her anger is not advisable. If this is you too, drop what you're doing and tell someone about it! The forgiveness that was freely given prior is not so available now as stress overcomes you. I know I need release. It used to be dancing or going for a run which is not so easy these days. So, here I am... BLOGGING.
APPEARANCE
If you didn't feel good about your appearance before pregnancy, that's not likely to change afterwards. I try to imagine myself one way as a pregnant woman but when I look in the mirror that image is shattered. I guess I'm still hoping next time I look I will be able to see my six pack again. With pregnancy, my skin has gotten dryer, my muscles weaker and my hair is untamable.
STRESS
I would like to say baby girl has made me feel younger in some ways. There is no doubt I am reliving high school all over again. I'm so stressed out that I am more emotional and MY FACE... breaking out like nothing I've experienced before. Stress acne is not cute and hurts the "appearance" department. Building stress also helps the anger department for sure. I hope this goes away soon but I know no medicated facial cleanser can help with stress. I need meditation and a good yoga class but first I need to find the energy to get out of my house!
Despite all the emotions, the stress, the anger, and the appearance problems it really is amazing to see the changes that come with pregnancy. I know it's such a blessing to be a mother. I don't mean to complain about pregnancy, I really love it. But it has its challenges and things you cannot control. My body is making something that will bring me such joy for a lifetime to come and I'm doing it hand and hand with the Lord. It's a great opportunity to be a creator and to aspire to my divine potential as a mother and a teacher. I've always wanted to be a teacher but not so much in the school setting. I cannot wait to play with this little girl and laugh with her. My husband is my best friend but I think my love is expanding and pretty soon I will have TWO best friends. Who says you can't be friends with you children? I'm going to prove you wrong. My circle of friends is only going to get bigger!
-Ani
Monday, June 23, 2014
6 Ways to Keep your Sanity
Today I want to try something different with my blog. I want to share the things that might help others keep there sanity because these are what I've realized help me keep mine.
1. Take care of your body
I've realized when I do the simple things like eating a small breakfast or taking the stairs rather than the elevator, I don't entirely want to rip my hair out. There is nothing more annoying than an alarm on a saturday but the phrase "early to bed early to rise" is actually really wise. As a society we have a tendency to stay up late and wake up early. Here's a friendly reminder, YOUR BODY NEEDS SLEEP! Go to sleep at an appropriate time for you and make sure you set the alarm. Even being pregnant, I feel a whole lot better when I set my alarm to wake me up than when I just sleep in for no reason.
Replace the cupcake with a handful of berries. If you want sugar, eat sugar! But try to make it natural sugars not artificial.
2. Don't try to do everything on your own
I struggle with this concept on a daily basis. I do not accept service like I should and I don't know how to efficiently ask for help. I was raised in a home where we were always looking for ways to help but hardly ever received it because we didn't ask. I have a very close family and we are awesome! But, no matter how awesome anyone is, we have to know when to ask for help.
3. Keep in contact with old friends
Trust me, as a military brat I know how hard it is to keep in touch with old friends. There even comes a point where you wonder what would happen if you ran into your old friends because it has been so long. Will it be just like old times or will the time that has passed left you with nothing in common? For the sake of your sanity, don't let that happen. Reach out with a simple "Hi, How are you?" every now and again. There is nothing more important than keeping healthy relationships. It will ensure that you don't fall into the slumps of loneliness.
4. Share your feelings
Whether it be with your spouse, a family member or even a coworker, find someone that you can confide in. There is nothing like letting the stress leave your mind simply from saying it out loud. If you have a hard time saying what you feel to people or don't want to be judged then write it down in a journal. You can even say it out loud where no one can hear. There's nothing like talking to yourself to help you stay sane!!
5. Find a place you can completely relax
Ideally, every home would be a safe haven but if there are things in your home that stress you out then you'll have to look somewhere else. It doesn't have to be far and it doesn't even have to be outside the walls of your home. Maybe it's in a certain room where you can be alone for just a few minutes. Perhaps it's in your backyard. My personal favorite is in the shower. It's my place where I lose track of time and let my mind run free.
6. Remember it's a state of mind
I received counsel some time ago that helped me change my state of mind and has drawn me to this conclusion, "Life's always easier when you're optimistic but it's not always as easy to BE optimistic." Focus on things that you can be optimistic about. Take time to think about your blessings and clear your mind of the things that bring you down. It may seem cheesy but meditation actually helps your soul. You don't have to sit cross-legged on the floor with perfect posture, just let your body relax and really feel your body. I like to focus on my breathing and after I'm tired of counting them, I'll think of something that makes me feel good. Dream about the beach or picture yourself overcoming your fears. There is nothing you can't do when you empower yourself through your own thoughts.
Share your feedback and share with your friends!
Ani
1. Take care of your body
I've realized when I do the simple things like eating a small breakfast or taking the stairs rather than the elevator, I don't entirely want to rip my hair out. There is nothing more annoying than an alarm on a saturday but the phrase "early to bed early to rise" is actually really wise. As a society we have a tendency to stay up late and wake up early. Here's a friendly reminder, YOUR BODY NEEDS SLEEP! Go to sleep at an appropriate time for you and make sure you set the alarm. Even being pregnant, I feel a whole lot better when I set my alarm to wake me up than when I just sleep in for no reason.
Replace the cupcake with a handful of berries. If you want sugar, eat sugar! But try to make it natural sugars not artificial.
2. Don't try to do everything on your own
I struggle with this concept on a daily basis. I do not accept service like I should and I don't know how to efficiently ask for help. I was raised in a home where we were always looking for ways to help but hardly ever received it because we didn't ask. I have a very close family and we are awesome! But, no matter how awesome anyone is, we have to know when to ask for help.
3. Keep in contact with old friends
Trust me, as a military brat I know how hard it is to keep in touch with old friends. There even comes a point where you wonder what would happen if you ran into your old friends because it has been so long. Will it be just like old times or will the time that has passed left you with nothing in common? For the sake of your sanity, don't let that happen. Reach out with a simple "Hi, How are you?" every now and again. There is nothing more important than keeping healthy relationships. It will ensure that you don't fall into the slumps of loneliness.
4. Share your feelings
Whether it be with your spouse, a family member or even a coworker, find someone that you can confide in. There is nothing like letting the stress leave your mind simply from saying it out loud. If you have a hard time saying what you feel to people or don't want to be judged then write it down in a journal. You can even say it out loud where no one can hear. There's nothing like talking to yourself to help you stay sane!!
5. Find a place you can completely relax
Ideally, every home would be a safe haven but if there are things in your home that stress you out then you'll have to look somewhere else. It doesn't have to be far and it doesn't even have to be outside the walls of your home. Maybe it's in a certain room where you can be alone for just a few minutes. Perhaps it's in your backyard. My personal favorite is in the shower. It's my place where I lose track of time and let my mind run free.
6. Remember it's a state of mind
I received counsel some time ago that helped me change my state of mind and has drawn me to this conclusion, "Life's always easier when you're optimistic but it's not always as easy to BE optimistic." Focus on things that you can be optimistic about. Take time to think about your blessings and clear your mind of the things that bring you down. It may seem cheesy but meditation actually helps your soul. You don't have to sit cross-legged on the floor with perfect posture, just let your body relax and really feel your body. I like to focus on my breathing and after I'm tired of counting them, I'll think of something that makes me feel good. Dream about the beach or picture yourself overcoming your fears. There is nothing you can't do when you empower yourself through your own thoughts.
Share your feedback and share with your friends!
Ani
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Simply May 8th
I am overwhelmed with gratitude today. I usually only post when I'm inspired with a situation I feel I need to vent about or share with others but today was just another day. The difference? A thankful heart in an ordinary life.
I've been so busy that when I have a day off, I do absolutely nothing. I don't have the energy to revive my social life and I just hide. Sorry my friends. But know I still love you because I still feel very loved by you all.
I feel so loved by my husband, by my family near and far and especially by my BOYS! To be honest, I thought I would regret getting another pup for our family. BOY WAS I WRONG. Yes, it's hard potty training and always double checking our carpets are ok but I love this little one to death. He's not only cute and cuddly but he's good for the soul. He's made our other dog more independent and brings a smile to my face. He's given Mac a purpose as a brother and a playmate. He's also made Mac more lovable. He's always been lovable but he has to show the rest of us that he's a true momma's boy. There's nothing like receiving snuggles on demand all day. Even when I don't really want them, he will never fail to give me kisses when he gets the chance. Today he spend a long time with his head on my tummy while I got to play with his unusually soft floppy ears. Zeke on the other hand just sleeps and drinks all day. For some reason he did get some energy after 9pm but didn't know what to do with it because Mac was sleeping. Nutty dog!
Who said pups aren't the best?! I can't really say these pure-bread royalties are cheaper than therapy but they can pay for themselves eventually! They'll probably keep my kids out of counseling corners ;)
ANYWAYS! My point is I think these nutter butters have kept me smiling from ear to ear because they give me no time to be selfish. I'm too busy feeding them or keeping the peace. And I still get to relax with how much they sleep. And I'm just super excited about what the future has in store. I love that my family is growing so rapidly.
That is all for now. I'll try to post more regularly or work on my social life soon.
-ANI
I've been so busy that when I have a day off, I do absolutely nothing. I don't have the energy to revive my social life and I just hide. Sorry my friends. But know I still love you because I still feel very loved by you all.
I feel so loved by my husband, by my family near and far and especially by my BOYS! To be honest, I thought I would regret getting another pup for our family. BOY WAS I WRONG. Yes, it's hard potty training and always double checking our carpets are ok but I love this little one to death. He's not only cute and cuddly but he's good for the soul. He's made our other dog more independent and brings a smile to my face. He's given Mac a purpose as a brother and a playmate. He's also made Mac more lovable. He's always been lovable but he has to show the rest of us that he's a true momma's boy. There's nothing like receiving snuggles on demand all day. Even when I don't really want them, he will never fail to give me kisses when he gets the chance. Today he spend a long time with his head on my tummy while I got to play with his unusually soft floppy ears. Zeke on the other hand just sleeps and drinks all day. For some reason he did get some energy after 9pm but didn't know what to do with it because Mac was sleeping. Nutty dog!
Who said pups aren't the best?! I can't really say these pure-bread royalties are cheaper than therapy but they can pay for themselves eventually! They'll probably keep my kids out of counseling corners ;)
ANYWAYS! My point is I think these nutter butters have kept me smiling from ear to ear because they give me no time to be selfish. I'm too busy feeding them or keeping the peace. And I still get to relax with how much they sleep. And I'm just super excited about what the future has in store. I love that my family is growing so rapidly.
That is all for now. I'll try to post more regularly or work on my social life soon.
-ANI
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
The Gift of Time
I've been thinking a lot recently about just why I feel I never have enough time to do anything. Right now I should have plenty of time to do everything! I only work about 4 hours a day and I have at least 2 days off a week, so why do I feel like I am so busy?!
In my current situation I would say it's because everyone else I know works when I'm off and I work when the rest of the world is getting home. I'm not busy exactly but every time someone offers to do some thing I am. But it didn't always used to be this way. When I used to work normal hours or when I was in school I would find my self busy during the day with my obligations and still turn down offers after simply stating that "I am busy." I would find that I was too busy to even pick my clothes up off the floor and I was too busy to sit and read my scriptures. I was too busy or too tired to do the things I knew I should be doing.
I recently read something about time that I find to be eye opening. It's a story of Satan and his power over us:
I find most of this to be true in my own life. I am over crowded with little things I forget to count my blessings. I forget to thank Heavenly Father for all he has given me. I used to work multiple jobs just to keep myself busy. I wasn't productive at home so I found a way to avoid it. WORKING! Working late hours, working 6 days of the week, always making myself available just in case one of my coworkers called out sick so I would be able to work MORE! It's the sad truth. Did I need to work 2-3 jobs all the time? No. I needed to learn how to save what I did make and be patient to earn the things I couldn't afford. I needed to spend time with my family and show my brothers love.
Now that I do have time off and only work part time, it's easy to see just how much time I wasted. I worked myself so much I was an emotional wreck (and I'm still getting over that). I neglected my spiritual strength by not reading scriptures or even praying. Of the 24 hours in the day, I could not even find 15 minutes to talk to my Heavenly Father and listen to His words. If I had time off, I spent it sleeping and when I would wake I would watch TV and blast my music which most of the time put me back to sleep!
I do not have someone to motivate me during the day and I have all this time to myself and I still find it hard to just sit down and read but I am now trying much harder. I cannot deny that I have fallen subject to the busyness of the world and of a truly empty lifestyle. One day of worship a week is not enough to sustain a relationship with God or our Savior Jesus Christ. It is not enough to redeem us in this ever falling world. To be faithful and true takes a lot of work and to do so we must be free from the ever loud distractions are around us.
The Lord will never tempt us above what we are able to bear. To be busy is a choice and to be too busy will hurt us. As President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."
I have never heard anyone sound happy about working multiple jobs and having no time. It's always an exclamation of sadness and wishing it didn't have to be so. But I know if we just make enough time to pray and do the things that matter most, everything will work out. We will truly be happier even if you do need more than one job to sustain your family. There is nothing wrong with that! I just mean to say, remember who you are and what life is truly about. Do the things that matter and will help you spiritually and then your worldly needs will be met graciously (and certainly unexpectedly) by Heavenly Father.
I wish you all happy holidays! I hope you find the gift of time important and things that will fill it with happiness and spiritual upliftment. Start small and build the habit so nothing will stand in your way. Soon you will find your strength to be strong enough to move mountains. Satan may bruise your heal but will not bring you down without your consent. Remember you have strength over temptations and power over Satan. Don't forget just how strong you are!
Always here,
Ani
In my current situation I would say it's because everyone else I know works when I'm off and I work when the rest of the world is getting home. I'm not busy exactly but every time someone offers to do some thing I am. But it didn't always used to be this way. When I used to work normal hours or when I was in school I would find my self busy during the day with my obligations and still turn down offers after simply stating that "I am busy." I would find that I was too busy to even pick my clothes up off the floor and I was too busy to sit and read my scriptures. I was too busy or too tired to do the things I knew I should be doing.
I recently read something about time that I find to be eye opening. It's a story of Satan and his power over us:
"In his opening address to his evil angels, Satan said, "We can't keep the Christians from going to church. We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship experience in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.
So, let them go to their churches; let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time, so they can't gain that relationship with Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Saviour and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" shouted his angels.
"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon, their home will offer no escape from the pressures of work!
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice. Entice them to play the radio whenever they drive. To keep the TV, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ. Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers.
"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogues, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes. Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines so the husbands will believe that external beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. Ha! That will fragment those families quickly!
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from their recreation exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week. Don't let them go out in nature to reflect on God's wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead. Keep them busy, busy, busy! And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions.
"Go ahead, let them be involved in soul winning; but crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. It will work! It will work!"
It was quite a convention. The evil angels went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there."
I find most of this to be true in my own life. I am over crowded with little things I forget to count my blessings. I forget to thank Heavenly Father for all he has given me. I used to work multiple jobs just to keep myself busy. I wasn't productive at home so I found a way to avoid it. WORKING! Working late hours, working 6 days of the week, always making myself available just in case one of my coworkers called out sick so I would be able to work MORE! It's the sad truth. Did I need to work 2-3 jobs all the time? No. I needed to learn how to save what I did make and be patient to earn the things I couldn't afford. I needed to spend time with my family and show my brothers love.
Now that I do have time off and only work part time, it's easy to see just how much time I wasted. I worked myself so much I was an emotional wreck (and I'm still getting over that). I neglected my spiritual strength by not reading scriptures or even praying. Of the 24 hours in the day, I could not even find 15 minutes to talk to my Heavenly Father and listen to His words. If I had time off, I spent it sleeping and when I would wake I would watch TV and blast my music which most of the time put me back to sleep!
I do not have someone to motivate me during the day and I have all this time to myself and I still find it hard to just sit down and read but I am now trying much harder. I cannot deny that I have fallen subject to the busyness of the world and of a truly empty lifestyle. One day of worship a week is not enough to sustain a relationship with God or our Savior Jesus Christ. It is not enough to redeem us in this ever falling world. To be faithful and true takes a lot of work and to do so we must be free from the ever loud distractions are around us.
The Lord will never tempt us above what we are able to bear. To be busy is a choice and to be too busy will hurt us. As President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured."
I have never heard anyone sound happy about working multiple jobs and having no time. It's always an exclamation of sadness and wishing it didn't have to be so. But I know if we just make enough time to pray and do the things that matter most, everything will work out. We will truly be happier even if you do need more than one job to sustain your family. There is nothing wrong with that! I just mean to say, remember who you are and what life is truly about. Do the things that matter and will help you spiritually and then your worldly needs will be met graciously (and certainly unexpectedly) by Heavenly Father.
I wish you all happy holidays! I hope you find the gift of time important and things that will fill it with happiness and spiritual upliftment. Start small and build the habit so nothing will stand in your way. Soon you will find your strength to be strong enough to move mountains. Satan may bruise your heal but will not bring you down without your consent. Remember you have strength over temptations and power over Satan. Don't forget just how strong you are!
Always here,
Ani
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Diary of an outsider
It's not hard to notice I stand out just a bit here in Las Vegas. Partially due to the look on my face, the wonder and confusion I have about the new area. Partially the Iowa plates and how I dress. Just yesterday I found my self thinking that it's almost december and I should probably put on a jacket because it's going to be getting colder.... I was wrong. Yesterday was the hottest day all week! I was out in a scarf and a winter coat surrounded by shorts, T-shirts and bikinis still being sold in the stores.
I've come to terms with new moves and change but I'm overwhelmed with unease. I feel as if I am walking through settled lives merely looking in on how other people live. They are comfortable in their own lives and I am a disturbance. Perhaps disturbance is only to be used in certain occasions but in all, I am definitely an outsider. I hope it's just me getting used to the idea of "settling" myself. And I only wish it were easier.
I'll be honest, I've hardened my heart just a little because I do have expectations. I have expectations that people are friendly and can relate to my situation but here they cannot. I expect people to hold conversation and pretend to be interested in our encounter but they are not. I expect turn over and being more lucky with another group of people but I am not. I want so much to reach out and serve but I am restrained by the sadness of being an outsider. I never want to step on toes or intrude so I politely sit quiet. I want to be the friendly person to a new face like I didn't have but how dare I? HOW DARE I?
Even when I try to reach out, I feel slightly rejected. Some don't even tell me their names. Do you think you need to distance yourself from me? Will your name give me some leverage into your life that you don't want me to have? AM I AN ALIEN?! I promise not to hold you hostage against your will and keep you as a pet!
I know there are bonds stronger here than I could find strength to forge on my own. Of course it's hard to forge a bond without someone else. It's like I throw the rope and tie myself up!! I will admit I'm comfortable this way but even with a loving husband and a playmate named Mac, I cannot help but long for another friendship. A friendship that doesn't consist of Call of Duty or throwing a ball so you can bring it back to me. A friendship that can get me out of the house and out of my comfort zone. Something outside of a "hi" before sunday school or family relations. I want to talk about what I'm reading or what's good recipes to cook. I want to ask someone questions and an answer to be more than "alright." I can listen for hours but I'd like to talk too.
This isn't the first time I've felt like an outsider and I've had a happy ending before. I'm sure my present situation will not last forever either. Previously, when I felt alone, on the outside, it only took one person and a reminder that Jesus Christ is my friend. When the road is long and the nights are dark, I'm only slightly alone. So here it is SANTA! This holiday season I simply ask for a friend. I want to be wanted and I want to show love and friendship toward someone else. If not my talents will surely be wasted!!
Now I know this blog seems unusual and I sound like I've been complaining. But I assure you I am not. I am still optimistic though my heart is a little sad. I don't want to feel like an outsider and I don't want to make anyone else feel that way either.
For all of those far away, remember your friends. Hold them dear to your heart and show them your love. I know there are many more people in the world that feel more lonely than me. If that is you, I pray for you too! Rejoice for the life you have.
-Stephani
I've come to terms with new moves and change but I'm overwhelmed with unease. I feel as if I am walking through settled lives merely looking in on how other people live. They are comfortable in their own lives and I am a disturbance. Perhaps disturbance is only to be used in certain occasions but in all, I am definitely an outsider. I hope it's just me getting used to the idea of "settling" myself. And I only wish it were easier.
I'll be honest, I've hardened my heart just a little because I do have expectations. I have expectations that people are friendly and can relate to my situation but here they cannot. I expect people to hold conversation and pretend to be interested in our encounter but they are not. I expect turn over and being more lucky with another group of people but I am not. I want so much to reach out and serve but I am restrained by the sadness of being an outsider. I never want to step on toes or intrude so I politely sit quiet. I want to be the friendly person to a new face like I didn't have but how dare I? HOW DARE I?
Even when I try to reach out, I feel slightly rejected. Some don't even tell me their names. Do you think you need to distance yourself from me? Will your name give me some leverage into your life that you don't want me to have? AM I AN ALIEN?! I promise not to hold you hostage against your will and keep you as a pet!
I know there are bonds stronger here than I could find strength to forge on my own. Of course it's hard to forge a bond without someone else. It's like I throw the rope and tie myself up!! I will admit I'm comfortable this way but even with a loving husband and a playmate named Mac, I cannot help but long for another friendship. A friendship that doesn't consist of Call of Duty or throwing a ball so you can bring it back to me. A friendship that can get me out of the house and out of my comfort zone. Something outside of a "hi" before sunday school or family relations. I want to talk about what I'm reading or what's good recipes to cook. I want to ask someone questions and an answer to be more than "alright." I can listen for hours but I'd like to talk too.
This isn't the first time I've felt like an outsider and I've had a happy ending before. I'm sure my present situation will not last forever either. Previously, when I felt alone, on the outside, it only took one person and a reminder that Jesus Christ is my friend. When the road is long and the nights are dark, I'm only slightly alone. So here it is SANTA! This holiday season I simply ask for a friend. I want to be wanted and I want to show love and friendship toward someone else. If not my talents will surely be wasted!!
Now I know this blog seems unusual and I sound like I've been complaining. But I assure you I am not. I am still optimistic though my heart is a little sad. I don't want to feel like an outsider and I don't want to make anyone else feel that way either.
For all of those far away, remember your friends. Hold them dear to your heart and show them your love. I know there are many more people in the world that feel more lonely than me. If that is you, I pray for you too! Rejoice for the life you have.
-Stephani
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