Oh Rexburg! You do funny things to me. You break me down, you build me up and you make me want to do crazy things. Things like sleeping in or eating more chocolate than I should. Recently you've even made me want to run away... So I gave into that temptation, I did it! I went to Vegas. It was crazy, it was fun and it was the best thing I've decided to do all year. It was spontaneous but relaxing and productive all at the same time. It was so nice to get away for a while and find out that I don't have limitations, there is so much to be done and endless opportunities.
It wasn't until this week that I realized I don't really do things for me. I've been in this routine since I've started college of going to school, going home, and coming back to school adding more load than the previous semester... repeat. I have this perception of life that this was the only way things worked. It's not true. I have the routine and if things are supposed to be, they will fit into that routine... that's not true either. You have to take chances and you have to step up to the plate if you want to even have a chance to hit a homerun. I know I definitely can't do it from the bleachers.
I don't want to turn this into a sappy post or lessons for those people that are just like me. But this is my newest inspiration, it's my newest comfort. It is ok to change things up. It's ok to fall in love and to be open about it. It's ok to be spontaneous and responsible at the same time, it can happen.
Some times I feel like good things can't last long or that if I'm not doing something exactly like others than I don't stand a chance. But good things do happen to me and I do stand a chance. I have dear people around me that make me realize it's ok to be different and it's more than ok to be happy. Even when you feel like your past drains you or that inadequacy is all you feel, you can rise up. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and I can attribute that to my closest friends. To the people who aren't afraid to tell me they love me and show it more than they say it. Talk is cheap, right?
It's the best feeling when you're just driving in your car and you can't help but smile. I laugh when no one else is around and though it may seem crazy, it feels so good. I wish everyone could be driven to happiness just by realizing where they stand. I wish I could do that more often myself. I wish I could show more gratitude to those who make me feel this way. What do you give to people who have already given you the world? A thank you card doesn't seem like it would do it justice. Flowers? Chocolates? Genuine jewelry? No one item seems enough and I think anything given could only provide temporary happiness. I know I would be sad again once the chocolate is gone ;)
I don't feel like I have much to say but to show gratitude and to serve others is all I can try to do. Happiness comes from families. From my own family, from long lost family and new families that treat me like one of their own. It comes from dreaming of my own family one day and the man who I will stand beside.
This one goes to the those who have been brought down by their own thoughts. To long distance lovers and to the future. We are all being watched over.
-Ani
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