Awkward moments.

Life is full of awkward moments. I can say I've truly been embarrassed only a few times in my short life but awkward moments I encounter daily! I've seen it all, from awkwardly walking in on your roommates making out to walking into an hour long class 55 minutes late because you think you're five minutes early. Ok, maybe I haven't just seen those awkward moments... I've experienced them! Like the moment you lose something and it's sitting in your hand or when you call your boyfriend by your ex-boyfriends name. I think even though it may take me a moment to recuperate they actually aren't embarrassing, just perfectly awkward.

I don't really like to be quiet, the silence kills me and I think it is indeed VERY awkward. I like to carry on conversations by creating small talk and I don't find it weird but I've recently learned that others do. Is it wrong to want to be friendly to people you don't really know that well? Why can't you just take time and entertain me with small talk? How else are you supposed to get to know someone? 

When I was younger I was quiet and to myself really. I like to call myself a bedroom artist. My fondest memories are in my room creating masterpieces. I did it all! Dancing, singing and I even wrote my own songs. Nothing I would share today but I wouldn't share it then either. If anyone would walk in on my work I would promptly deter and pretend to do something else. I liked my solitude and wouldn't give it up for anything. Something changed when I made several location moves in my life, however, and I've opened up a lot. In high school my mother always called me a social butterfly and while I still hold my alone time to a high standard, I think there is good in creating conversation with random people. My outgoing self might even be offended if you deny me of that simple pleasure but I cannot be too mad if people aren't comfortable with it. 

I try to think of the word "awkward" and how much it is used in our culture today. I can't imagine people 30 years ago physically saying "awkward" in moments of discomfort like we do. I think it's funny but what is even funnier to think about awkward moments that might have happened in ancient time. Do you think the 12 disciples encountered awkward situations? I'm sure they did but they either handled it very well or didn't write about the truly awkward things. There are situations when they were in places they wouldn't normally go without Christ, such as into places with leprosy but it didn't stop them from doing it. People went places that were uncomfortable and they dealt with it. I'm sure they tried to avoid it just as we do but it's just not the same. I can't really think of any awkward moment relatable to ancient time or even renaissance time. We are just a weird generation!

This is to the words that slip out of your mouth before you can process what you are trying to say. And to many more days of making fools of ourselves. No matter what race, size, make or model.... Happy living

-Ani

Just thoughts of the day..

Oh Rexburg! You do funny things to me. You break me down, you build me up and you make me want to do crazy things. Things like sleeping in or eating more chocolate than I should. Recently you've even made me want to run away... So I gave into that temptation, I did it! I went to Vegas. It was crazy, it was fun and it was the best thing I've decided to do all year. It was spontaneous but relaxing and productive all at the same time. It was so nice to get away for a while and find out that I don't have limitations, there is so much to be done and endless opportunities.

It wasn't until this week that I realized I don't really do things for me. I've been in this routine since I've started college of going to school, going home, and coming back to school adding more load than the previous semester... repeat. I have this perception of life that this was the only way things worked. It's not true. I have the routine and if things are supposed to be, they will fit into that routine... that's not true either. You have to take chances and you have to step up to the plate if you want to even have a chance to hit a homerun. I know I definitely can't do it from the bleachers.

I don't want to turn this into a sappy post or lessons for those people that are just like me. But this is my newest inspiration, it's my newest comfort. It is ok to change things up. It's ok to fall in love and to be open about it. It's ok to be spontaneous and responsible at the same time, it can happen.

Some times I feel like good things can't last long or that if I'm not doing something exactly like others than I don't stand a chance. But good things do happen to me and I do stand a chance. I have dear people around me that make me realize it's ok to be different and it's more than ok to be happy. Even when you feel like your past drains you or that inadequacy is all you feel, you can rise up. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and I can attribute that to my closest friends. To the people who aren't afraid to tell me they love me and show it more than they say it. Talk is cheap, right?

It's the best feeling when you're just driving in your car and you can't help but smile. I laugh when no one else is around and though it may seem crazy, it feels so good. I wish everyone could be driven to happiness just by realizing where they stand. I wish I could do that more often myself. I wish I could show more gratitude to those who make me feel this way. What do you give to people who have already given you the world? A thank you card doesn't seem like it would do it justice. Flowers? Chocolates? Genuine jewelry? No one item seems enough and I think anything given could only provide temporary happiness. I know I would be sad again once the chocolate is gone ;)

I don't feel like I have much to say but to show gratitude and to serve others is all I can try to do. Happiness comes from families. From my own family, from long lost family and new families that treat me like one of their own. It comes from dreaming of my own family one day and the man who I will stand beside.

This one goes to the those who have been brought down by their own thoughts. To long distance lovers and to the future. We are all being watched over.

-Ani